So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
