Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
