how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
