how can u be prego again
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
