I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
