Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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