you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize