Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
