when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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