You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
