If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
