last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
