You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
