two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
