Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
