I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
