As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i drank out of a bidet.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
