I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
