Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
