big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
