i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
