I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
