Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
