So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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