I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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