How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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