My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
