Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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