You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
