Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize