If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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