from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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