i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
