I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
