hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
