so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize