Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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