she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
