It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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