sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
