ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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