I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
