Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
