It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
