dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
