he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
