like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
