My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
