she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
