I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
