hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
