I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
