ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
