Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
