I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
