we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
