I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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