i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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