i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just gift wrapped bread.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
