I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize