I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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