My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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