listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Less talking, more tequila
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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