if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
