So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
