what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
please come you make the beer taste better
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
