im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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