I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
