my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
