you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
