You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
