That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
