How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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