the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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