You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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